Recognitions and Appreciations
This poignant reflection traces the lifecycle of human ambition, framing it entirely through the lens of parental approval. It moves from the competitive nature of childhood sibling rivalry to the mature realization of a father's silent sacrifices. The author pays tribute to his father—his only role model—who provided freedom of choice in a conservative society. However, the narrative takes a tragic turn, ending with the devastation of a father who can no longer recognize his son, leaving the author grappling with a love that can no longer be reciprocated in the way he always hoped.
When I was a Kid, I wanted to be appreciated by my parents more than my sibling, everyone wants to be the favourite of their parents… Everyone wants to be recognised more and wants to be the one they boast about. That is recognition and appreciation. Then we grow up and want to be favourite of teachers, we try hard and make changes in life, behaviour and other dimensions to be recognised by teachers which in ultimately help you get more appreciation from parents. In school we all crave for “best Student”, “Student of the year”, ‘obedient student’ awards to be recognised as the one, that your parents feel proud of you among all other parents in annual school day or parent teacher meet-ups. We grow and goto college and want to pursue the best course or get entry into something which will help your name and your parents name to be imprinted on next day daily, We usually don’t think of our luxuries but just to make parents happy we go extra mile, You are still that kid at heart who wants more recognition and appreciation. You may fool yourself by saying that it was all kiddish, true, but you are still doing same but maybe in a mature way as you mature with time.
For me the best man, my only role model, my inspiration is my father who did everything for us to help us achieve whatever we were happy with. I belong to one small valley called Kashmir, where mostly parents have only one dream and expectation from kids, to be doc or engineer. But we always had the luxury to be anything we were happy with. We choose different paths, but our father never expressed his desires and expectations.
One more huddle in pursuing your goals is “middle class” families, I still remember that our father never stayed home on sundays or came home at 5:00, he always used to do overtime which other members of family objected. We too used to complain that you never stay with us, you never give time, You aren’t an ideal figure and what not. Deep down only he knew what and why he was doing.
Now, we are matured, we get things one by one, we get that he never was imitating or trying to be the ideal figure, Because he already was one.
I still do baby things to be his best one, to be recognised or to appreciated. I always want that every morning he gets up, he remembers me more than anyone but things don’t happen as you plan them.
One morning he gets up and don’t remembers me at all, doesn’t recognise me being his favourite son. That moment you think that all of your efforts are wasted, washed away and you may not have the reason to try to be best.
We all life live that we get appreciations and recommendations but in a moment you are shut, because things fall upon you and everything goes south.
There is always a hope that you recover from some trauma but i am hopeless now, i couldn’t be the one he always hoped about secretly.
Won’t be able to write more… All I want to say him that I love him most, there is a hole in my heart which will never heal now.
- The Universal Drive for Validation: The post highlights that the desire to be the "favorite" doesn't end in childhood. Whether through school awards or career milestones, the underlying motivation often remains the same: earning the pride and recognition of one's parents.
- The Silent Sacrifice: A realization that the "absent father" working overtime wasn't neglecting the family, but protecting it. Understanding that in a middle-class setting, time spent away is often the ultimate expression of love and provision.
- Breaking the Cultural Mold: Acknowledging the privilege of having a parent in Kashmir who defied the rigid expectations of forcing children to become doctors or engineers, instead offering the "luxury" of pursuing their own happiness.
- The Heartbreak of Memory Loss: The painful conclusion that despite a lifetime of effort to be the "best son," life is unpredictable. When a parent loses their memory, the child is left with the unfulfilled desire for recognition and a deep, unhealable emotional void.
